The Grumpy Fucker's Guide To Eating in a Restaurant

The Grumpy Fuckers’ guide to eating in a place where there are other fuckers eating

No fucker asked for your enthusiasm.

The hostess chirping “Hi guys, welcome in!” like you’ve just parachuted into a birthday party - no fucker asked for that either.

You’re here to eat. Ideally in peace. Ideally without any fucker crouching down to your table level to explain the concept of a tasting menu.

Here’s how to survive.